Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
