I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So much Jack, so little girl.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize