shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
