LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
