i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
