There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize