it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
