So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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