All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Buhtt sex?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
