one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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