Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
