I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
