So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
