If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
