Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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