I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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