Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
