Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
