Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
