Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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