And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
