You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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