I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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