My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
