final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
