the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
