I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
