i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
