I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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