Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
