Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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