dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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