Me. At least after what I've been through.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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