We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
