He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
