forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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