how can u be prego again
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
