she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His nipple licking is glorious
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