ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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