White coat. Heels.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
