Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
