It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
