no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
