I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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