HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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