I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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