It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
