My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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