He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
