Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
