I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
