Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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