Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
