Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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