Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
