The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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