some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
