I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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