I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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