Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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