There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
