how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
