I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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