If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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