Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
