So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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