It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize