Porn is love you can see.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
