I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
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