When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
