I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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