My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
