the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize